Remission

Technically, I'm in remission. However, I still need to be followed closely in case this nasty disease comes back. With most cancer you're considered cured after five years, but ACC is a slow growing cancer that usually shows up again ten or more years down the road. Last week I had some follow up appointments-one with my radiation oncologist, one with a new ENT. I had a CT scan and a chest x-ray to check for recurrence at the original sight and metastasis to the lungs. My life has been so busy lately I haven't had time to worry about cancer. We're having the basement finished, my husband is preparing for an out of town conference in November, it's our 10th anniversary this week, and then there's just normal life! Although I am pretty sure that I am not done dealing with this cancer, I don't feel like it will be back any time soon. Right now I'm experiencing some late side effects of radiation treatment-jaw pain, reduced mouth opening, etc. I'm moving forward with some consultations with doctors and a physical therapist and I intend to take an aggressive treatment course in order to deal with it quickly and permanently.

Skin

I wasn't sure if I should post pictures of my skin because it's pretty gross, but the after picture looks SO much better that I decided to go ahead. Throughout treatment it looked fine. It got redder and redder as the weeks went by. It was warm to the touch but it didn't hurt. The final week of treatment, however, it started to change. It was crusty and oozy and sore and tight. I looked it up and it's called a "moist reaction." I was given some cream with silver in it to put on my skin for soothing and drying. I also used an astringent solution that I used 4 or more times a day. Finally, last Friday, I was able to peel some dried skin off to find nice, pink, healthy skin underneath. And it's just gotten better from there. There's really just one spot, along my scar, that's still moist. I'm buying all sorts of sun hats to protect this new skin from the sun this summer. On a positive note, the doctor mentioned that the skin reaction was a good sign that near the surface of the skin, where the tumor margins were, got a significant dose of radiation. It kind of reminds me of the first months of pregnancy. If you feel sick that's good because it means your hormone levels are high!

Before

May 19th, 2010

Five days after final radiation treatment

After

May 23, 2010

Nine days after final radiation treatment

Upswing

I'm starting to feel a bit better today. Not normal yet, but not horrible anymore. I have thrush on my tongue and throat, so now I'm taking Diflucan. I did some normal stuff today: walked around the block, went outside with Bode, made the kids supper, and painted my nails.

All Done

I had my last treatment today. I'm glad it's over! I've lost 20 pounds, the skin on my neck is all crusty and gross, I can barely swallow, but I'm done. It can only get better from here.

Side Effects

I started to feel some side effects about 2 weeks after I started treatment. It really shook me up for awhile. They told me I would feel perfectly fine for at least 3 weeks! My mouth was tasting weird and my throat was a little sore. I know, it sounds minor, but my fear was that this was just the start. I was sure that every treatment day after that I would feel worse. I couldn't imagine how my throat would feel after 4 more weeks of treatment. I didn't really enjoy our out of town water park trip and I was feeling pretty low. I am happy to say that things didn't get incrementally worse every day, as I had expected. It's more of an up and down, one step forward two steps back kind of thing. I got some medicine for seasonal allergies, which helped because now I don't have so much stuff draining down the back of my throat. Now I'm in week 5, only 9 treatments left! My throat is more swollen than sore, although it does hurt. I have some weapons at my disposal: ibuprofen (which I now have to take in liquid form) to help with the pain and swelling, baking soda and salt water rinse to help with the bad taste in my mouth, mouthwash to help with dry mouth, and a mixture they call The Recipe that is Benadryl, Lidocaine, and Maalox to numb my throat and help with the swelling. I can't eat very much right now. Because of the swelling in my throat my choices are limited to soft and mushy. Because of the inflammation in my throat my choices are limited to mild foods-nothing acidic, or spicy, or fizzy (a sip of soda is excruciating). So I'm basically eating a tablespoon at a time of Fluffy Tapioca Cream, yogurt, soup, or refried beans thinned with sour cream. I'm losing weight and it's very hard not to be happy about that :) I'm just hoping I haven't lost too much strength and stamina. When this whole thing is over, I plan to do a lot of biking, canoeing, and general outdoor fun with my family. So here's the bottom line: Some days, or even parts of days, are bad, some are not so bad. I'm making it through and I'm almost done. What else could I ask for?

Ambivilence

The thing about radiation treatment is that it's both no big deal and really scary at the same time. Every morning I go to the treatment center. The receptionists greet me by name, I walk back to the waiting area, sit down for maybe a minute before my name is called. I chat with the girls, put my mouth guard in, and get situated on the table. They make adjustments, turn the machine on for a minute, then make more adjustments and turn it on again. I get up, rinse out my mouth guard, say goodbye, and head to Starbuck's. Simple. Except if I think about what's really going on. I am purposely exposing my body to radiation. I am allowing healthy cells to be damaged. I do not know when I may start having side effects, so any little tickle in my throat or feeling of tiredness brings anxiety. Is this it? Will I start feeling worse from this point forward? I can usually rationalize to myself: a little uncomfortableness now, even pain, may add years to my life. That upset stomach and tired feeling is probably just a virus. If I do have side effects, I will manage them as they come along and not fret about them before I have to. So I give myself a little shake, look at my wonderful family for strength, and keep moving.

Late!

Everything would have been fine today, except for the beltline. It wasn't moving. At all. I was fifteen minutes late for my appointment, but it went quickly in spite of that. I made my Starbuck's stop and headed back home to enjoy two 2-year-olds playing in my living room.